I Can't Fly

by Carnaby Bennett

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1.
TMIH 02:01
Can I come back? Can I? Can I come back home? I wanna walk in, and I want you to tell me I’m home But I don’t know if that’s possible. I’d be happy if you lied to me Just tell me I’m home...
2.
Tincan 03:59
I looked for God in an old tin can I found him in there and I told him my plan Said, "I'm gonna build a tower that reaches the sky And if you wanna stop me, well I'd like to see you try" He thundered and raged And he cursed my feet Was angry for days Maybe even a week Said, "Son, don't you make me do something I'll regret" Before he stormed away into a blood-red sunset Before he stormed away into a blood-red sunset I met a preacher, he was walking through town Bible in his fist, his face wearing a frown I asked him if he'd help me to build me tower, Using earthly strength to challenge heaven's power He thundered and raged And he cursed my feet Was angry for days Maybe even a week Said, "Son, don't you make me do something I'll regret" Before he stormed away into a blood-red sunset Before he stormed away into a blood-red sunset I went to my father - I was looking for cash He sat me down, said I was being a little rash I told him what I thought, that he was a fool Think that was the point that he lost his cool He thundered and raged And he cursed my feet Was angry for days Maybe even a week Said, "Son, don't you make me do something I'll regret" Before he stormed away into a blood-red sunset Before he stormed away into a blood-red sunset My tower has now crumbled, all my plans turned to dust All the wood has rotted and the nails gone to rust I looked for God in an old tin can I told him my troubles, and he said, he said he understands He opened the cage And he washed my feet We talked for days Maybe even a week Said, "son if you've not learned one lesson yet, "Remember that I've loved you ever since we first met" "Remember that I've loved you"
3.
Vibrancy hides me Come find me We’re vibing It might be a delight if it’s highly unlikely Slightly unsightly Conniving; indict me I might be a riot I might be unquiet Never gonna be dead Because I’m fed up and endless Regretful instead Like, how could I end this? I find my convictions are easily tested I'd rest if my best weren’t so easily bested The tang Of ashes Distracts my attention My affection is limited My ego reflection Flashes of memory Totems of moments Eloping with total eclipses and frozen Stuck here in place Lucky, fearful, and graced Distracted by degrees of delightful disgrace Never knowing where to begin In times when I find The bitter taste is slipping in In every way I never found it In all of my days I couldn’t have drowned it The pauper who sings I would have crowned him Sweet the sin, bitter the taste Violent inertia Invades my fervour And even if I could I wouldn’t go further ‘Cause even / Stevens Is strange way of being A mismatch of meaning I mean, how inhuman To demand, to declare I’m owed back what I give When the odds are all stacked Forgive and let live Reset and renew Relearn what you knew Aim for insistence and break through Elated Mistaken Retained Underrated Mislabelled Berated Disdained Denigrated Verbacious Loquacious Stainless Blameless Tainted Restated Vengeful Dreadful Tangibly handled Feel like I’m rambling Angling for restitution and forgiveness When all I actually need right now is a witness Yeah all I need is a witness In every way I never found it In all of my days I couldn’t have drowned it The pauper who sings I would have crowned him Sweet the sin, bitter the taste The world around Brings me to task I wouldn’t have tried But you had to ask I’ll wait in the wings Wait for her to laugh Sweet the sins Bitter their taste I want it now I want it today I wanted to cry I wish you had stayed You needed to hear I wanted to say Without you here Nothing's the same All I know has gone away Sweet the sin Bitter the taste
4.
Low 04:21
I'm a no-show With a low-flow tempo like a robo oboe Tooting out moot points Soothing your rude joints like ointment, I'm poignant, Buoyant 'cause I'm flabby And shabby Happy fickle piccolo Brittle in my ego tho, low self-esteem Even in dreams I'm a bit-part Which starts to go a bit far 'Cause I'm a big star (In the back of my mind, at least) Worshipped like Ishtar Babylonian loneliness Opens my stony throat Releasing trombone moaning That's only a stone's throw from owning me Phoning home There's no spaceship to retrieve me tho Breathing like I'm heaving Past believing Seen beings of smoke and steam teem like larvae in a stagnant stream Deemed unseemly by mean misdeeds Dealing treated to steely gazes Based on ancient pages Traces of truth let loose Chased by raging falsehoods and misfortune Timing ever inopportune I was born too soon to walk on the moon I was born too soon Nothing more than a handsome silhouette Nothing left but all that I could get Nothing found in me but what you left inside No song in me but my last lullaby You're not the only one that feels lost You're not the only one punching holes into rock Weighing up costs Taking last shots My knuckles are bleeding And my heart won't stop beating Too fast I'm speaking in cliches Dancing through the dark I haven't been sleeping well lately Meaning I don't Meaning I can't Meaning I'm getting drunk on coffee patrón And the fact that I don't really know you And that's nice So just sing me a song that's brand new Sing me a lullaby 'Cause I'm not even sure who I am any more I keep saying I'm lost And I'm scared But I don't really know what it is that I'm scared of I'm just searching for the stars from the stories, you know The ones that can bring you back home Nothing more than a handsome silhouette Nothing left but all that I could get Nothing found in me but what you left inside No song in me but my last lullaby I've been trying to spell Babylon in days With footsteps I eventually lose my way 0 turns into 8 Carbs turn into weight Hard loses H The only choice I get Is how I wanna break You can see it The capitol's name written on my face Night bus window reflections Passing lampposts providing bloom and wilt You hope the world knows us by our job interview handshake But in actuality Our legacy lives in the nods to the greengrocer And the way the lady at Sainsbury's knows your brand of cigarettes Whether or not you kick the booted football back into the school Is how we turn our city of roadblocks into a Babylon too Last night I was on the same road I turned the 0 to 8 on Lost my way on Broke the week after my month's wages came in Same story Fucked if you're not a Tory But their thievery won't change my journey The only way of saving me Is by serving my streets Nothing more than a handsome silhouette Nothing left but all that I could get Nothing found in me but what you left inside No song in me but my last lullaby
5.
I work your fields For no more pay Than the scraps that I find Along the way I might be a stranger, but do I seem strange to you? I fled death, disease, and sickness, Made an oath, that's true I might be a stranger, but do I seem strange to you? My father passed away My mother couldn't stay I followed my promise And I came upon this place My Kinsman! My Redeemer! My Joyfulness! My Salvation from the Grave! Though I was once a stranger, will you draw me close to you? Though I was once a stranger, will you draw me close to you? I'm shivering cold Lying at your feet Will you leave me here? Will you share your heat? I may be a stranger, but do I seem strange to you? Will you stake your claim? Will you give me your name? Do you still view me a stranger? Does my strangeness bring you shame? My Kinsman! My Redeemer! My Joyfulness! My Salvation from the Grave! Now, I might have been stranger but you drew me close to you Now, am I to you a stranger that you keep me far from you? Will you draw me close to you? Now, I might have been a stranger...
6.
Deep Rest 02:17
Deep ration Deep Russian Deep region Deep rest Devalued Disbanded Denatured Depressed Divulged Dynamo Diana Detest Die vulgar Die happy Die cast Die gepreßte Davidic Da Vinci Da capo Denial Defile Derail Distort Disdain Distance Deep rest Die gepreßte Depressed.
7.
8.
Evel Knievel 03:55
Some strange script keeps telling me That a freed up mind is a felony That with one I'll fail My enemies Say a brain wrapped in chains is an amenity An attractive alluring quality Drawing in both the poor and the royalty Drawing in both the poor, and I’m trading curses for purpose While nurses turn worthless, but happy The last mile From the turnstile Was lit with hearses, Empty, corpseless, redundant An abundance of lack Each utterance and buggerance Bringing armaments to bear. Unfair sharing, dread of snaring Too little or too much - Balancing, as such - But the tightrope is fraying Progression is lost, so keen are we on staying Some strange script keeps telling me... And I’m feigning laughter and after When I'd rather Take a bath to get cleanly The past tense of past offence Has me reach towards rafters Stretching higher for escape now, Rattling the cage now Need freedom and release, now ‘Cause I've realised lately that Days gone have changed me Rarely do things phase me Where before they'd bemuse My mind's grown tank-like through years of bad news Some strange script keeps telling me... And I'm racing Evel Knievel Up the steeple As the people look onwards The darkness at the heart of this Means I get no sleep – Who'll be my paranoia in my downtime? No straight lines from here We're in fear When hearing that those dear, Near and precious to us have changed No longer needing to be like us They'll fight us where before they'd cower... How relationships change when we ain't in power Some strange script keeps telling me That a freed up mind is a felony That with one I'll fail My enemies Say a brain wrapped in chains is an amenity An attractive alluring quality Drawing in both the poor and the royalty Drawing in both the poor, and Some strange script keeps telling me A freed up mind is a felony That with one I'll fail My enemies Say a brain wrapped in chains is an amenity An attractive alluring quality Drawing in both the poor and the royalty Drawing in both the poor, and the royalty Drawing in both the poor, and the royalty And some strange script keeps telling me and telling me And some strange script keeps telling me and telling me They're hemming me with everything they're telling me Regret and errors are their heavy weaponry And some strange script keeps Telling me and Telling me and Telling me and Telling me.
9.
Tailspin 03:20
Caught up in a tailspin Can’t fly in the state I’m in These clipped wings have got me thinking: I can’t fly Caught up in a tailspin Can’t fly in the state I’m in These clipped wings have got me thinking: I can’t fly Caught up in a tailspin (These fears have got me spinning around) Can’t fly with clipped wings Something wrong with the state I’m in; (These fears have got me tethered to the ground) I can’t fly Caught up in a (Tailspin) Caught up in a tailspin (Tailspin, lost control, I'm in a) I'm in a (Tailspin) Tailspin (Fears got me spinnin) I can't fly (Fears got me spinnin) I can't fly (Fears got me spinnin) I can't They might be unfounded But these fears keep me grounded As they grow This weightlessness brings to bear Thoughts I wouldn't deign to share You know Caught up in a tailspin (These fears have got me spinning around) Can’t fly in the state I'm in These clipped wings have got me thinking: (These fears have got me tethered to the ground) I can’t fly Caught up in a tailspin (Tailspin) Can’t fly in the state I’m in (Tailspin, lost control, I'm in a) These clipped wings have got me thinking: (Tailspin) I can’t fly Caught up in a tailspin Can’t fly in the state I’m in These clipped wings have got me thinking: I can’t fly Caught up in a tailspin Can't fly with clipped wings Something wrong with the state I'm in; I can't fly Caught up in a...
10.
Your cries rip and tear me This rusty trap of yours Ensnares me I cannot budge; I fear I'd lose you So I stick around... I'm silent and my silence offends No longer offering the wisdom on which you've come to depend I'm so sorry love, but I can no longer assist… But I will stick around. Cowering, I see you Floundering, I hear you You quake, drown Overthink, sink Flail and fail and Cry out And you know full well why I don't answer. You holler, yell Grasp tight, beg, plead And prostrate... But you know full well that I can’t answer. Six-packed, cold and bitter So little to do but lay back as you witter I stick around... Once denigrated I'm degrading Much like you with your emotional self-satiating And, again, no, I cannot assist But yeah, I will stick around, With you knowing full well why I don't answer. Cowering, you cry out You holler and yell - I hear you You overthink, sink, I stink You prostrate, I rot In this grave. So yeah, you do know full well why I don't answer. We've no future, you and I. Go home. Let me sleep Among the mud, the stone, and the flowers.
11.
Sinister Air 05:40
Places that once seemed so regular Take on a sinister air... I look into your eyes And you remind me of the old you, And even though I've known you for years… I don't really know you. I wish you looked less like you used to, Cos if you looked less like the you I was used to You'd look less threatening, Be less unsettling. Your sinister visage Is chilling me. Fault me for being skittish if you have to - But the simple little fact is that I don't know you. Maybe it's on me, But this sinister air is choking, Apprehension filling my lungs. Should I forget the old face And focus on the strange one? Fight the urge to run, run anyway cos I’m done My home is now a place That I’m feeling forced to shun They say you can't go back That this battle can't be won Cos once you've shot a bullet It won't go back inside the gun Places that once seemed so Regular Take on a sinister air Faces that once let you Know you were home Have strangeness now in their stare I'm lost in my mind and I can't tell which parts are me Just co-ordinates and references, Not a street you used to live for. Maybe I've just been gone too long That I don't know what I'm here for - Nothing's like it was anymore And no-one likes it or wants it anymore, It's just decrepit, Got too easy to forget it. Just a sinister village, Not a community. Call me apocalyptic if you have to, Ignore me if you want to, But what I came here for Ain't here anymore. Now, this strange place is drowning me, I've lost what's even me – Is it so irrational to fear a death at sea? Fight the urge to run, run anyway cos I’m done My home is now a place That I’m feeling forced to shun They say you can't go back That this battle can't be won Cos once you've shot a bullet It won't go back inside the gun Places that once seemed so Regular Take on a sinister air Faces that once let you Know you were home Have strangeness now in their stare I'm lost in my mind and I can't tell which parts are me (Why can't I be me?) Men that once told me to grow old Have all drowned now in the sea. Why can’t they come back home? Why can’t we be left alone?

about

I checked, I can't.

This album is Sam D trying to condense his experiences thus far of being a twenty-something into something vaguely consumable. He wrote most of the words and did some synths, Maria and Sean did a verse each, Rob played guitar, and Paul did everything else (including make this at all possible).

Written ~2008-2018, recorded 2014-2018 in New Ash Green, Bromley, Tooting, and Cheltenham.

credits

released January 12, 2019

All music written and performed by Paul West and Sam D Grover, with (in order of appearance):

Rob Townley - guitar
Maria Ferguson - vocals
Sean Mahoney - vocals

Produced by Paul West at Awesome Source Music
www.facebook.com/Awesomesourcemusic/

Mastered by Peter Maher
www.petemaher.com

Cover art by Sam D Grover & Toby Hawkins
From "The Lament for Icarus" by James Herbert Draper

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Carnaby Bennett Glasgow, UK

Carnaby Bennett is Sam D Grover making music with Paul West. Sam D writes most of the words then speaks&sings them too, while Paul plays most of the instruments & produces the whole lot.

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